By Sabrina Glidden
Do we really know why we celebrate birthdays? Is it just another excuse for cake, ice cream and loads of company? Perhaps. But for my sons, it is something much, much deeper.
James
and Thomas are only one month apart. When they came to America they had never
even heard of a birthday – until James’ special day came up and I made a
Scooby-Doo cake, set up the house for a party and guests began pouring into our
back door, that is.
“Why
is it my birthday?” he asked. “Why the presents and a cake, just for me?”
Thomas
served up a similar reaction, except with some serious jealousy on the side.
“Why does he get all the fun stuff?” he demanded.
Now
before you go thinking that we should have given Thomas something just to make
him feel better, know that we considered that route. But after thinking over his
tendencies toward hoarding things for himself in the beginning, we decided that
it would be best for Thomas to learn that sometimes a special time is just for
somebody else and that his very own special time was coming, too.
But
the question of why we celebrate birthdays got my attention. James needed a real
answer, not just an, “I don’t know.” So I reached for the truest reason I
could find. “Because,” I said, “we’re so happy that you are in this
world, once a year we all gather to say, ‘Yay, we love James!’”
That
worked. He and his brother joined our guests in games, songs, food and toys for
the remainder of the party. One month later, Thomas had his own day to celebrate
his presence in the world.
This
year, the Spiderman plates and cups rest atop the kitchen table, waiting for the
ice cream cake and the influx of kids. And you know what? We have learned yet
another reason for celebrating birthdays. Thomas taught it to us when he
insisted on buying something special for his brother’s birthday this year.
At
the toy store he picked over the items very carefully. Making a final choice
seemed difficult for him. Finally, he found just the right set of magic tricks
for James. He beamed. “Now this is really special,” he sighed. “And I want
him to have something special because I know my birthday will be special too.”
Maybe
we all have the same needs as Thomas. Maybe we are better able to give when we
have received, and when we know that giving to others does not diminish our own
value. Maybe, when we know we are all equal, we can freely give something
special because we know that we are special, too.