In A Nutshell 

By Thom Rutledge

Thom Rutledge is a psychotherapist and author of Embracing Fear and Finding the Courage to Live Your Life. For more information visit http://www.webpowers.com/thomrutledge or contact Rutledge's office at (615) 327-3423 or thomrutledge@earthlink.net.

A sign on my office wall reads, "It is useless to be judgmental of
judgmental people." This one, like most of my other nutshells, is not there just to enlighten my clients. It is there first to remind me of my own tendency toward arrogance. I frequently need to be reminded that
fundamentalism is not just a word to describe people who don't think like I do. Any of us can fall into the trap of fundamentalist thinking. In fact, I have a good friend who is a fundamentalist hippie. You know, "Peace and love, you idiot."

This kind of "I've got the answers and you don't" arrogance is troubling enough at the level of personal relationships, but becomes treacherous for us all in the bigger context of global relationships. And a fundamentalist hippie is no more helpful than a fundamentalist warmonger.

Whether the context is a personal relationship or something much bigger like global relationships between nations, the dynamics are the same. The same psychological principles that apply to you and me apply to the world at large. This is an excellent time for us all to be reminded of this.

Let's consider a few sound principles of healthy relationship that we tend to believe at the level of personal relationship, but tend to forget or
deny in the larger context of global relationships.

·  Seldom, if ever, is one person always right about everything.

·  It is as important, if not more so, to listen to what others are saying
than it is to insist that you be heard.

·  Black and white, “all or none” thinking is restrictive to problem solving
and is often dangerous to the point of destroying potentially healthy
relationships.

·  Violence begets violence.

·  Diversity is positive and energizing to relationships. Insistence on
conformity is controlling and damaging to relationships.

·  Rigidity or fundamentalism creates breaks in relationships. Tolerance
and flexibility facilitate healing.

·  Focusing on whom to blame does not lead to solutions. Focusing on what
each of us is responsible for does lead to solutions.

·  An attitude of reciprocity is pivotal to establishing and maintaining
healthy relationships.

   I don't claim to have risen beyond my own fundamentalist and arrogant thinking, but I am making progress, and I am committed to working toward that very worthy goal, because I believe that the changes that are needed in our world must begin with the basic building block of community: the individual.