That phrase is the serenity prayer really. What can we change? We can lead that horse to the water trough. What do we need the serenity to accept that we cannot change? Well, we can’t force him to drink. (By the way, I have tried to make a horse drink – with absolutely no success.)

We can never have too many versions of the serenity prayer, that powerful key to emotional energy efficiency. At any given moment if we are practicing the serenity prayer (not just saying it), we will find ourselves in a state of peace. No mental energy traveling to the past or to the future because we can’t change anything in either of those directions. All energy is right here, right now, being applied directly to what we actually have the power to do something about. Sometimes that is as simple as reminding ourselves that there is nothing to be done just now. Relax. Sit. Read. Watch a Seinfeld re-run.

Of course, mastering the application of the serenity prayer – leading horses to water and not trying to make them drink – is a lifelong practice. In fact, I prefer to believe that the goal is not true mastery, but just to die trying. "Thom never really did catch on," you can say at my funeral, "but he never stopped trying."

But there’s another dimension to this phrase. Did you know that there is more to the old saying than just "You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink?" I didn’t know this until recently. Here’s how the whole phrase goes: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. You can salt the hay though.

So there is one more thing we can do something about. We can salt the hay. Giving horses minerals, heavy on the salt, will, of course, make the horse thirsty.

The salt option adds a new dimension to things we can and cannot change. It adds the element of influence. We can’t change each other, but we are always influencing each other. I’m attempting to influence you right now as I write this article. And if you show this article to some nervous person you know who just never seems at peace, you will, in turn, be attempting to influence that person.

Parents with teenagers who understand the difference between influence and control are usually happier and more peaceful than parents who are offended by teenage independence.

If the added dimension of influence makes sense to you, try it this way:

The next time you find yourself grappling with that pesky serenity prayer, resisting the wise voices – inner or outer – that tell you to let go, step back for a little perspective and ask yourself if there are any avenues of influence (that are respectful and ethical, of course) that you could implement. This is frequently accomplished by directly communicating what you want from another person. (What a concept, eh?)

Be careful though. For us control freaks, a little attempt to influence can set us on a control binge. Remember that you are still essentially applying the serenity prayer. Do what you can do, know you have given it your best shot, and then back off. Go on about your business.

If you need something to do to keep you busy, try contemplating Stan Laurel’s (of Laurel and Hardyfame) version of our little proverb: You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led!